How the Greek Language helps free us from the noose of perfectionism
The Greek language reveals why the way to stop being a perfectionist is to know that it actually has no place in our lives.
While perfectionism is supposed to be a negative trait, we often perceive it to mean that someone is hardworking, driven and dedicated to their work.
Being a perfectionist is something that many of us must be secretly proud of, given how many freely admit to being one when asked in job interviews what they perceive to be their most negative character trait.
We smile, and shake our heads. ‘I guess I’m somewhat of a perfectionist,’ we admit, knowing that we are communicating to our prospective bosses that we will be willing to do whatever it takes to get the job done.
But is that really true? Is that what perfectionism is really about?
Perfectionism pushes satisfaction away
Being a recovering perfectionist myself, I have always sensed that perfectionism is not healthy or life affirming. Somewhere along the way, I became aware that it was a part of my personality that was holding me back, not allowing me to live to my full potential.
In my experience, being a perfectionist can often mean that you’re either avoiding doing something that you believe you cannot do perfectly, or it can entail pushing yourself beyond the point of simply working hard in a healthy way.
Since perfection is an elusive notion, it may also be almost impossible to feel satisfied with what you have achieved or created-perfection might just permanently seem beyond reach.
The pressure to be perfect that comes from the outside world
Although perfectionist tendencies can be a slow form of torture, the confusing thing is that the outside world applauds this strive for perfection. There are countless filters that lure you in with the hope of presenting a perfected face and body to the world, while there is no shortage of images online telling you what perfection is supposed to look like.
Just open any form of social media, and images portraying a perfect life start to appear before your eyes.
It is easy to see why perfectionism and anxiety can be so closely related.
These images might look good on the outside, but they don’t make for a truly happy life.
Potential root causes of perfectionism: the fear of rejection hiding behind the perfectionist’s armor
While I am not a psychologist, I suspect that perfectionism is suggestive of a deep-seated fear, a sense that I am not enough as I am. It points, possibly, to an unwillingness to show up for life until perfection is ostensibly achieved, because to do otherwise entails the possibility of rejection.
In my view, striving for perfection is to be constantly staving off a fear of rejection, a belief that I will only be accepted if I appear to be flawless.
Why the Greek language reveals to us that perfectionism has no place in our lives
A few years ago a friend confirmed my suspicions about perfectionism when, one day, he turned to me and asked me whether I had ever considered the connection in Greek between the word téleio, meaning perfect, and the word télos, which means end. The word for perfect/téleio actually comes from ending/télos.
There is wisdom in language, and as the word suggests, perfection is only really to be found in an ending or at the end of something. In truth, perfection and life do not belong together; to live is to make mistakes and to be imperfect.
This told me something I’d already intuitively felt but could not articulate, which was that perfectionism is essentially anti-life; it is an extinguisher of one’s creative juices, a malignant internal force sapping away at one’s zest for play and innovation. In the places where perfectionist spreads its tentacles is where creativity, inspiration and authenticity, all essential aspects for a fulfilling life, are often immobilized.
Considering that perfectionism’s rightful place is in the realm of endings (telos), it makes sense why it can often smother the creative life force out of us.
Overcoming perfectionism is about knowing that there is no perfect life, body or piece of work-instead, just show up as you
It is sad to think how many astounding pieces of work have been shelved or thrown in the trash because of a fear that they were not good enough. It is also difficult to contemplate the endless times most of us have looked in the mirror and judged ourselves as not being enough.
We work ourselves to death hoping to finally reach some perfected state and avoid rejection and pain.
But what if we overcome perfectionism by deciding now to show up anyway, to present our imperfect selves to the world?
While some might not like you for who you are or what you have to offer, you just might like yourself a little more. To be real, authentic and honest-isn’t that something to be proud of?
Perfection is an illusion. It’s not real. Life cannot box itself into some perfected, artificial picture. We are alive and we are aging. No filter or Botox injection can change that. No amount of pushing and striving and faking and pretending can alter the fact that nothing is static or perfect. As long as we are whirling through our lives, we will never be perfect.
Know though that this is how it should be — perfection has no place here.
Free yourself to show up as you, the real you. Work hard but know that your best is enough and then let go. You are doing yourself a disservice by hiding away until you achieve some idea of perfection.
What is perfect anyway? No one knows what that is -as the Greek language wisely reveals, perfection doesn’t exist here in the plane of the living.
Who you are is already enough. No one is perfect and no one has the perfect life.
Perfection belongs to the end and, thankfully, that’s not where you are. You are here, alive and brilliant in all your imperfection.
