Don’t let failure hold you back
How do you deal with failure? Do you let it paralyse you or are you able to keep moving forward?
At some point in our lives we must all come face to face with failure, in one form or another. None of us gets to go through life untouched by the scaly wings of failure, pain and disappointment.
The truth is that failure doesn’t make us bad or wrong; it makes us human.
The problem lies in when we let failure immobilise us, when we retreat into our shells, and are no longer willing to open ourselves to life. We lock away that novel or painting we have been labouring over, or we declare that our hearts are closed and that we are not open to meeting someone new-whatever it is, we will never let ourselves be vulnerable in that way again.
This rejection hurts so much, we tell ourselves silently, that I will encase my heart in iron, so that that sort of pain is kept at bay from now on.
It is true that when we have experienced something difficult, we need time to process and mourn our losses. That is important. We don’t want to bury the feelings and allow them to fester beneath the surface.
However, there comes a time when each of us must re-enter the arena and try again. Not because there are any guarantees of success, but because the process of getting up and opening once more to life is sacred and necessary.
It is part of our hero/heroine’s journey to keep fighting to remain connected to creativity and hope.
Neither you nor I will ever get to a place where it’s not scary or where there is no more failure and pain. When each of us sets out on a new path of adventure, we will eventually have to face some shadowy creature lurking in the darkness -what matters is that we choose to move forward anyway, knowing that it is our deep connection to self that will keep us illuminated and safe.
In her bestselling book, Women Who Run with the Wolves: Contacting the Power of the Wild Woman,[i] Clarissa Pinkola Estés states:
If you’re scared to fail, I say begin already, fail if you must, pick yourself up, start again. If you fail again, you fail. So what? Begin again. It is not the failure that holds us back, but the reluctance to begin over again that causes us to stagnate. If you’re scared, so what? …You will get over it. The fear will pass. (page 317)
As Estés so wisely tells us, we cannot let our fears shut us down. Whatever it is that we love doing, we must keep on doing, even when it gets hard and others don’t necessarily approve. The world’s reactions shouldn’t be able to determine who we are. We need to decline drinking from the poison laced cup that certain questionable people may pass our way.
While we all need to feel the support of some kind of loving community, we don’t need everyone’s approval. When things get hard, it is vital that we have a close knit group of people who love and appreciate us deeply.
So, let me say this to you dear reader:
Step away from the lunacy of letting others define your worth. Sometimes people will say things that make you feel good, and at times they won’t. In all of that, who are you?
Instead of depending on others for sustenance, cultivate a solid inner foundation. Take a moment to appreciate your own bravery and ability to keep doing the things that are meaningful to you. Therefore, when the storms come (and they will), you have a sturdy inner home to retreat to.
A true sense of safety and power springs from this unflinching devotion to yourself.
Don’t let failure paralyse you and don’t live your life in service to other people’s approval. Live in service to what makes your own heart sing and then let go. Those who are meant to come close will come. Keep rooting for you and trust life to take care of the rest.
[i] Estés, Clarissa Pinkola. Women Who Run with the Wolves: Contacting the Power of the Wild Woman, Rider, 1998.
